“I’m coming home, I’m coming home.
Tell the world that I’m coming home”
Thoughts on getting to the US of A – well what the heck was
that? What did I learn, will anyone even remember me? Did I make any difference
at all? Was it a mistake to go? These are all questions I will ponder on for
some time. I guess I made just about as much of a difference in Tonga and just as many friends… and yet I don’t
feel attached to Samoa the way I do Tonga . I thought when going to Samoa that this would be my group of islands, that I
would blend well there.
Getting back to Apia and seeing so many cars and people (and
other white people!) made me realize just how much of a different world Savai’i
was. So could I live in Samoa ? Sure.
Especially on Upolu it’s doable. What about my
reasons for going in the first place? To see if I am truly invested/interested
in other cultures (instead of just Tonga )? Living with family’s exposed
me to Samoan culture to a level that I may not have been in Tonga . Then again
maybe I just get Tongan culture a little better. Overall I’ve come to realize
that I really like my own American (rural LDS Idaho) culture but I still have a
desire to learn about other people and places. Now my focus is more defined
realizing that I like living in America
and I admire greatly/want to work in the education system with immigrants who
come to my country. I also feel I can better empathize with their reasoning for
wanting to come to my country. That recognition and clarity I think is one of
the main reasons I went to Samoa .
Realizing
the differences in circumstance with my Tonga internship and my Samoan
volunteer work has also been important in recognizing my ‘white privilege’
(don’t 100% agree with the paper under the same title but it makes some very
good points). It was easier for me to function in Tonga because I had my own spaces,
was in charge of my time and food. I was able to choose between which parts of
the culture I would participate in and which I would not. I thought I
understood when Sela Kioa (from Liahona campus) said she would love a house
like mine on campus with the freedom that it symbolized. I now better
understand the constraints of her culture having lived in a similar home as
what she grew up in.
Also like
to note that I was never recognized for the work I did- I guess I just assumed
that someone would say ‘thank you’ since in Tonga it was a big deal that I
came. This is part of why I wonder if I made a difference. But when thinking about
those who have really made the biggest difference in my life (my mother, Kasia,
various friends and teachers) they have never been given awards for their life
changing influence on me. Me going was not all about what I could teach but
what I could learn. I learned about immigrant life in a new country from the
Paramores and Mulitalos. I learned so much from God about myself and my future.
SO much. Thank you Heavenly Father for that. I also came to realize just how special
Tonga
is to me – I found myself fighting learning Samoan because I felt I had already
invested so much of my time and self in Tongan. I am grateful that I can move
about so freely over this world and yet always be welcome at my home. What a
blessing.
No Samoa I don’t think I’ll be seeing you again anytime soon
but I thank you for helping me learn so many things. You are beautiful.
Fili e le tai se agava’a: let the sea determine the quality
of the boat
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